Personal Karma
by AngelOcean
Summary: Juliet has been slowly sucking Kate's island life from her. How does she react when she thinks she has nothing left, will she keep fighting or will she run from more than the jungle? Bad at summary. JATE,Skate,Jacket,CC, Extended from a oneshot.
1. One

**Note: My first Lost Fic ever and my second fic ever so i hope it isn't too bad, thank you for clicking on my story. Enjoy:**

Kate sat at the edge of the beach, listening to the familiar sound of the islands waves breathing in and out. When her heart was racing from whatever they had recently faced, she'd sit here and her heart rate would level to the sea. Funny how the corner of a beach would suddenly become home to the girl who always ran away.

She scanned the beach and watched as the bonfire almost looked like a couples evening, Claire and Charlie, fawning over little Aaron. Jin with Sun resting in his arms, one of Jin's hands lying protectively over Sun's stomach. Jack and Juliet…

She chuckled to herself as she thought back to the first days they crashed on the island. Primitive, at each other's throats, every man for himself. Now it's almost like a community, Jack's 'live together, die alone' motto ringing through everyone's ears. She wondered how long it would take for Juliet to start Mother and Baby classes. She couldn't help but resent the woman. She was slowly pushing Kate from the role she used to have. Now the rest of the group would invite her to hunt, invite her to eat with them. Sun would invite Juliet to the garden for 'baby talk', she'd become Jack's confidante, every little niggling thing that bothered him, he'd go running to Juliet's tent; leaving her in the kitchen to go eat dinner with Juliet was a real slap in the face.

So she turned to Sawyer. She knew she was using him, she knew she was hurting three people in this situation but she didn't care. She was fed up trying to protect everyone from herself, she was over that. She needed that comfort, that friendship; that love, and Sawyer was beaming it to her and she couldn't help but catch it and use it against someone else, even if they were the one she hurt in the first place.

She loved Sawyer, loved him like a friend, a close friend, like a 'friends with benefits' sort of way. After a few more late night visits to his tent, they were bored. The spark was dead, neither were benefiting, both were getting hurt.

Here she was. On her own. Hurley would pop by, with something to eat, a quick chat on Island events. He was like the human equivalent of Entertainment Weekly. Hurley's visits now became the highlight of her week; she'd take her spot and wait for him to arrive. Sometimes he brought Claire and Charlie, and the four of them would talk about old times. They had the capability to make her laugh, as long as there was no mention of Jack or Sawyer. Hurley joked that he and Kate should announce their marriage in front of the campfire gang, Claire and Charlie would be chief bridesmaid and Best man. She found his hugs the best comfort she could find. But it wouldn't be long until he found a reason to avoid her too.

She thought about ending it. A fair few times, but taking an overdose of the island's limited medicine supply is cruel to the rest of the islanders. She'd probably have the bottle to do it if she got a gun….but this wasn't her, she fought against her circumstances, kept herself alive. She'd never do this…would she?

She woke in the morning and rubbed her eyes with her hands, only to realise the grub on her hands makes her eyes murkier than before. She pulled her neglected tent open and saw a huge crowd around Jack and Juliet. _Probably announcing she's pregnant with his child _she thought to herself, and realised the possibility. Everyone was distracted. Everyone. She could raid the stash; raid for the last remaining guns. Someone will find her body. They'll find it and get the gun back. If they're kind enough, they'll place her next to her deceased friends. Boone, Shannon, Eko, Libby. Others, Niki, Paolo, and Ana-Lucia. She felt guilty to the fact she had lost count of, for want of a better word, the body count. She found a 9mm stashed under a piece of Linen without the safety on. If she was part of the civilisation she'd warn them about it. But it was too far gone. She flicked the safety on and put the weapon in her pants, pulling her purple shirt over to conceal it. With her determination set, she made her way out of camp, Sawyer the only one noticing her leaving. He almost made off after her, but Desmond pulled him aside.

She was in the jungle. Deep, she doubted anyone would hear the gunshot. She felt low. As low as she should have felt the day she blew up her father. She was almost to the level when she'd crashed and found a Tom, cold in the seat next to her, a small toy plane on the back seat; a miserable memory to haunt her forever. She put the gun on the log and collapsed to the jungle floor, letting out the recent months of misery. She felt the warm tears fall down her eyes, the choked sobs fall from her mouth but she failed to care. There was nothing left to care about. All she was, was another castaway, using up their food, beach and survival equipment. She wasted people's love, Tom, Kevin, Sawyer, Jack…

God she missed Jack, Jack with his kind heart and gentle soul, she could overlook all the harsh words she and him had ever exchanged because she had knows that soul. She used to know that soul. God knows what Juliet's done to it now.

She cried for the broken promises and missed chances. The many other ways this could have turned out.

She felt her hand move to her temple, her fingers gripping the instrument that was about to cause her death. The cold barrel of the gun seemed more inviting than ever, yet her hand was physically shaking. She reasoned it was to do with the sobs still escaping from her heart, the wounds cracking in her heart, opening further and further, until she doesn't have a heart left to care. She knew she was taking the safety off as she pushed it further towards her head. If she didn't have an objective to complete, she'd probably collapse right this moment and drown herself in her tears. She cradled the weapon in her hand one last time. A gun. A gun had become her constant companion throughout life. And her constant companion was going to help her assisted suicide.

'Kate?'

She heard her name and spun to a very wide eyed Jack.

-----------------------

She scanned him as he tried to slowly approach.

'Kate… What the hell are you doing?'

He asked her, and only at that moment did it register she still had the gun against her temple. The reason in her head told her to remove it and just go back with Jack. But in these recent months she had learned to silence that little voice.

'I have to end it.' She sobbed her voice cracking and Jack's once emotionless face cracking with it. She narrowed her eyes as her tears temporarily subsided, her blurry vision clearing to see a panicked and concerned face of an old friend in front of her.

'Kate you should…you should put the gun down, we can talk about this.'

She knew he'd do this, try and make her listen to reason, and then scold her later. She wasn't a child. This was her decision, her control; this is what she is going to do.

'No we can't Jack.' She found her hand betraying her voice as it lowered the gun a little, but still in range to cause death on impact.

'Kate, whatever's the matter, we can sort it out, is it Sawyer?' He asked, pain evident in his voice. Suddenly it became more firm.

'Did he hurt you?'

'He didn't do anything.' She hissed, trying to make him take the hint.

'This isn't your problem Jack. Go back to camp. Go back to your civilisation. Go back to Juliet.'

He laughed harshly and she felt her heart break a little more. Didn't he find her sincere? She was only delaying this so he didn't have to see someone kill themselves; not that he hadn't had his share in dead bodies.

'This is what it's about? Me and Juliet?'

'God Jack, why does it have to be about you? This is about me Jack. ME.' She stared at him, and she had to give him credit, as his didn't flinch at her gaze. He only shuffled further toward her.

'This isn't what you want!' He yelled, both his hands spread out, reaching out to her.

'IT IS WHAT I NEED!'

'Why?' He asked, shaking his head in what seemed to be disapproval. 'Why Kate?'

'Call it Karma Jack. Or Redemption I don't know. For every life I've destroyed, for every life I've ruined, for every life I've hurt and LOST!'

She watched Jack approach her further. It wasn't long until she had no choice but to pull the trigger in front of him. Otherwise he'd disarm her, and leave her with nothing to console herself with.

'Kate please… there's another way. Just…please put the gun down.'

She almost collapsed in his arms right then in the way he spoke to her. So much like…

She held that thought as Jack took a seat on the log next to where she stood.

'You realise this is where we kissed?'

She took in the jungle surrounding her. Of course it is. She remembers the climbers around her, the tree behind Jack that could tell so many stories. The spot where she sat after Sawyer tried to throttle her. The exact spot she was standing with a gun in her hand.

'Yeah…' she whispered. 'I remember.'

'I'm still not sorry Kate.' He paused, hand running through his short black hair.

'I'll never be sorry Kate. The only time I'll ever be sorry is if you pull that trigger, if you _ever_ pull that trigger.'

She looked to him, desperation in her eyes.

'_Why? _I need to know _why_ Jack.'

'Because we need you Kate.' He stood straight in front of her, eyes exchanging looks, feeling resurfacing in her mind and in her heart. 'Because _I _need you. If you looked Kate, and I mean if you _really _looked, you'd see me. You'd see me waiting anxiously for Hurley to come back from your late night chats to make sure you're ok. You'll see me looking over from my dinner with Juliet trying to make sure you're eating and drinking healthily. You'd see me; Still in love with _you_.'

'But I've hurt you; Juliet told me, I broke your heart.'

'Yes you did.' He replied, getting straight to the point. 'But you being there, in your glorified _craziness_ mended it.'

'I'm sorry I slept with Sawyer' She sobbed to him, the gun falling rapidly, her arm going limp, but the gun still firmly in her palm.

'I'm not Kate.' She watched his expression, amazingly confused. 'I'm not because it brought everything to attention; it got these ridiculous rivalries out of the way. It made me realise what I felt for you, for real.'

She had one more question.

'Then why be with Juliet?'

'Because you and Sawyer…I never thought I had a shot.'

Her heart finally tore at his most ridiculous explanation of his and Juliet's relationship, as she felt her grip slip and the gun hit the floor hard. She fell into Jack's embrace, tears soaking his shirt and crumpling as she gripped it forcefully.

'I love you.' She cried, water falling from her emerald eyes. 'I love you. I'm so sorry…I'm so…'

'It's ok….' He comforted her; she felt his arms grip her waist tightly. 'It's going to be ok…'

She hoped to God his words would ring true.


	2. Two

**Note: Hey, it was a one-shot, but a couple of people said about extending it, so i'm giving it a shot! Hope it's okay, thanks for reviews and will really appreciate it if you review now :)**

**Disclaimer: Lost Jack, Kate none belongs to me, just borrowing**

She could barely move as she watched Jack empty the contents of the gun, flicking out one bullet at a time. He had stood there with her for what seemed like hours, arms wrapped around her, comforting words spoken, and then all he would do is let go, and turn to the offending gun, scattering bullets on the floor.

'You shouldn't be wasting them like that.' She tried to reason.

'I have to Kate.' He replied, failing to look back at her.

Was he mad? Was that all a ploy to stop her? Was he lying, did Juliet send him? She brushed the chocolate curls back from her face, and took a little step back from him. Jack must have been watching her from the corner of his eye, as his face snapped up to look at her, the minute her foot moved a millimetre from the ground.

'I'm on suicide watch now.' She said coldly, more a statement than an actual question.

'You want the laces from my shoes in case I strangle myself in the night?!' She continued angrily, parking herself back on the floor, and starting to remove the black laces a little. She let out a growl, and slid the lace through the last loophole, only to find Jack's strong hands covering hers.

'That's taking it too far.'

She laughed, but not amused, and pointed to the empty gun and the scattered bullets.

'That's taking it too far.' She retorted.

'It's a long way back to the beach.' Was all he replied, and somehow that got up her face more than anything else.

'So you think I'm going to ransack you and shoot myself on the way home?'

She thought back on her sentence. _Home_. She called the beach home now?

He said nothing, only shook his head, and headed back to the now empty gun, and placing it in the back of his jeans.

'We better get started, or the camp will start looking for us.' He began walking forward, and Kate began to catch up with him.

'_You_. Jack. The camp will start looking for _you_.' She corrected, and sped ahead of him, not caring weather or not he was still with her.

--------------

They'd been walking half an hour in silence. Not companionable silence, just raw, awkward, unavoidable silence. If it wasn't for the constant stream of footsteps behind her, she would have assumed he had left her.

As she attempted to speed up the unbearable trail home, she found herself dizzy. The jungle felt strangling and at the same time, it felt like she wasn't really there. She felt detached. She tried to lean against a tree, only to misjudge and almost collapse to the floor. She stared to the mass of dirt, leaves and branches, trying to steady her gaze on something. Anything.

'Kate!' She heard a yell echoing to her ears, and she couldn't tell if he was far away and her hearing was impeccable or he was close and she wasn't registering. She felt someone turn her around, and she felt the gaze of Jack Shepherd beaming down on her.

'What's the matter?' She heard him panicking. 'Hey!'

She felt a hand on her cheek as he tried to rouse her attention, she crossed her legs and took a comfortable seat, more than when she was almost retching on the ground, and focused on his face, seeing he had turned to his Doctor ways, checking her over for injuries of signs of anything else. The hand didn't stray from her face, as his other began to root in his backpack for something. Next she knew, he had a bottle to her face, and was unscrewing the lid. Water.

'You're dehydrated Kate.' He didn't sound very convinced at his statement. 'You're dehydrated, starved and exhausted. You're body is shutting down.'

His hand settled on her lip, pressing slightly in quite an intimate gesture.

'Drink.'

She felt the liquid fall down her throat, but all she was registering was the hand upon her face, and the concerned eyes flickering between hers and her mouth to make sure she was swallowing the water. She felt his finger's caress her paled cheek as she finished the bottle. Once she had finished he placed the bottle on the floor and his free hand appeared on her forehead.

'We're staying here.' He said forcefully, and as stubborn as she believed she was, there was no way she was going to argue. She shifted a little and began to lower her head to the ground, only to find Jack's thigh instead.

'You need to keep you're head elevated.'

She tried to nod, only she managed to do it halfway, then decided that the effort was too much, and laid her head down. Hand's once again gripped around her waist and hoisted her up, and laid her across his body, her head against his chest, her legs strewn on his.

'I need to keep an eye on you.'

She heard, but all that registered was Jack stroking her hair, moving the stray pieces away from her face, his arm snaked around her waist, keeping her there.

'Now there's a line Sawyer would be proud of.' She joked, and she heard a slight chuckle above her, she realised Jack's head was resting on top of hers.

'Why did you do it Kate?' He asked her. 'Why did you try and do it?'

She felt the event crashing back to her and she pressed her head harder against his chest.

'Because I had nothing left.'

She found herself gripping to Jack's shirt again, shifting her body against him. If she wasn't so exhausted, she probably would never sleep tonight.

'If you'd done… if you had… Neither would I'

She moved her head back to look at him, the dizziness a sacrifice that didn't bother her right now.

'You mean that?'

The stare with complete conviction meant more to her than any words he could have said.

'Thank you' She whispered.

'You're welcome.' He replied to her, and a resolve to keep her at a distance must have broken, as a soft kiss pressed against the top of her head.

She stayed this way for a few minutes, thoughts flowing, words echoing, events streaming through her mind. She cleared her throat, and began.

'What you said… was that real or did you say it to get me to drop the gun?'

And she waited for her answer.


	3. Three

**Note: Right, Part Three, I, to be honest, have no idea how this is going to turn out**** in the end, but I hope you'll keep on reading. I'm not intending on making this a huge, huge story. Love the reviews :) Thanks, and I hope you'll continue reviewing because I'd love to know what you think.**

Silence.

The only reply she was given to her question; was Jack rummaging around in his backpack for more water.

She opened her mouth to speak; to say anything to him, but she found she couldn't. The words had gone dry. This see-saw of a relationship they claim to have, he'd just dived to the other side, no eye contact, no speech unless necessary. A thought she never thought she would think about him passed through her mind; is he playing her?

She scrunched up into the foetal position on the ground, resting her head on her hands. She watched as a bottle and two white pills appeared in her eye line.

'To help you sleep.'

She moved up a little, picking one of the pills up in her fingers.

'You trying to sedate me?' She asked, a little wary if she was to be honest with herself.

'No Kate, they're sleeping pills.'

'Did Juliet give you them?'

She was greeted with a quick nod. She picked herself up from the ground, and passed him back the pills.

'Then, thanks for the offer.' She curled open his palm, and placed the two pills back in his hand, and curled his hand back into a fist.

She took her place back on the jungle floor and took a swing of the water.

'You don't have any food?' She asked, half-joking.

'I wasn't really prepared to be halfway out in the jungle stopping today's suicide attempt.'

'Real funny Jack.'

She sighed and laid her head down. He's trying to avoid the subject, she can tell, he's always done this; granted she can't talk she does much the same thing. If anything, she wished away the awkwardness and the silence that leaves her to her thoughts, conspiracy theories clouding her mind and her judgement. After a life on the run, you learn to prepare for these things. People and their lies.

'The Marshall told me you were dangerous Kate.'

'You shouldn't believe everything you hear.' She murmured, feeling a little sleepy. She yawed and Jack's face came into focus.

'Ben told me what you did.' This caught her attention. She moved herself to his level, and stared.

'Why you were on the run… He told us.'

She frowned. 'Us?'

'Locke and I.'

'Oh.' She looked away and put her hand over her eyes, taking a deep breath, subsiding emotions that attached to her past.

'I'm sorry.'

She froze. Did he just say _I'm sorry_? Too afraid to clock his reaction, she put her arms around herself and thought of a reply.

'Why are you sorry Jack?'

'That you had to deal with all that.'

She turned right at him, feeling a little anger, despite the fact it seemed to be just caring, she felt a little patronised.

'_Deal with all that? _I MURDERED my Stepfather! I MURDERED HIM IN COLD BLOOD!'

'He was an alcoholic abuser, who didn't care if you were his biological daughter or not.'

'I killed the man I loved!' she almost screeched, voice reaching breaking point, emotions reaching breaking point.

'You were driving the car; Tom was killed by the cop long before you crashed it.'

She felt so uncomfortable, Jack reciting her life history to her like a novel he'd read obsessively, analysing the events in it, getting his own interpretation, speaking about her most painful secrets with the most unwavering tone.

'I robbed a bank, and shot the three men I was working with.'

'The property was yours and the three men were going to kill the manager Kate.'

'I can't believe you're dealing with this like a daily occurrence.'

She shook her head, and put her gaze back down on the ground.

'Because you won't remember this confrontation in the morning.'

She frowned, and fixed her gaze on the water.

'You drugged me.' She stuttered. 'You knew I wouldn't take the pills so you put them in my water.'

She began to sway on the balls of her feet, and she saw Jack coming toward her to steady her, but she shook her head, and curled up in a corner, between two branches, head leaning on one of them.

'You drugged me.' She repeated to herself. Oh God; maybe he didn't know if Ben was telling the truth about what she had done and he was testing her. He knew _Everything._

'Call it even.'

_Call it payback_ she thought he would say, drugging him to get him to sleep; at least it was for his benefit and not hers. Jack was being uncharacteristically selfish in this sense. This Jack was upfront, straight to the point, a man on a mission. But she wasn't sure what he was trying to get from her. She found herself wandering if he'd drugged himself too.

'I do love you' He suddenly spat out, to her surprise. She gathered herself and moved closer to him; either his poker face was on top form or he really meant it.

'In answer to your question.' He finished, and then scratched the back of his head, making her more uncomfortable.

'I wish I didn't though.'

This hurt. This hurt a _lot._

'Jack….'

'I wish… I didn't have to feel like I was being stabbed in the gut when Sawyer kissed you, touched you or even talked about you. I wish I didn't spend those moments watching you when I could have been with someone else, but I can't quit it. Most of all Kate, I wish I didn't have to drug you to tell you all this. Because this is my Personal Karma Kate, loving you and you will never know'

She went to speak, but he put a finger to her lips, and looked her straight in the eyes, pools of beautiful brown glistening.

'In the morning I'm going to tell you that it meant nothing and it was a ploy to get you to drop the gun.'

'No…' she pleaded quietly, anything but this.

'I'm sorry Kate, but this is the way it's going to be.'

She reached over, placing her hands on the side of his face; taking in his features, pressing his skin, like he had done with her not too long ago. She reached over and she kissed him. A kiss of desperation and love. A kiss that would not be remembered tomorrow, and probably would never be shared again. He pressed her lips harder to his; hands gripping her forehead, drawing her in. They moved together, kisses deeper, more meaningful, Kate's hands moved down his face to rest around his neck, Jack's left arm pulling her tighter, so tight that it may cause a bruise, but she failed to care. She needed him, she wanted him. She _loved _him. And the heartbreak that was to follow tomorrow she didn't need to deal with. Because tonight. It was Jack and Kate, nothing to hold them back.

'I don't want to forget this.' She whispered in his ear, then kissing it. He turned to her, lying next to her, and smiled to her sadly.

'You have to Kate.'

'Well maybe… maybe you can reverse it?'

He shook his head, and leaned over to her ear.

'Because when we get back to the beach and you find out why everyone has _really _been avoiding you. You'll never want to speak to me again.'

Before she could speak a reply, tell him she wont care, she felt her eyes drooping and her awareness slowly leaving her.

'No no no no no.' She hissed. 'Jack tell me now…' she paused to yawn.

'I'm protecting you Kate.' He whispered with what seemed almost desperation. 'If you remember anything. Please remember that I'm doing it for your own good, and I don't regret it, Kate…'

The world grew silent.


	4. Four

**Note: Call it an interlude, a little tale in Jack's perspective of previous events, just to tide you over. I'm sorry but the update for a little bit will be less because I am swarming in GCSE's and revision. But I will do my very best. Really happy if you are still reading and reviewing :) I'm so happy with the responses and I hope I**** don't let you down, sorry if it's a bit weak or short, and my Sawyer isn't that accurate. I tried! **

Jack observed as the group seemed to congregate at his and Juliet's feet. He didn't ask for this. He didn't ask to be this great leader they seem to have pushed him into. The hopeful faces haunting him, the ones that died and never made it; the ones that still have faith.

He turns to Juliet. His partner; but not in a romantic sense. They had shared a kiss. Maybe two, but nothing materialised out of it. The spark never really ignited, Juliet was no fool. She could see how he would look into the distance as the kiss ended to see if Kate was looking their way. She could see the burning jealousy when Sawyer so much as touched Kate's arm, or spoke her name. She could see the despair as he watched helplessly at Hurley comforting a very fragile Kate, and he could not approach her.

Juliet was _very _smart.

'You alright?' She asked to his left, and he looked to her and gave a small smile.

He gazed down at the expecting audience, despite the absences being few and far between, he could feel the smaller group. Losses hit the camp hard, and although the group may be thinner by far less people than there was present. It was still really quite noticeable, sending shivers down his spine.

'Well I know you all know why we called this meeting today.' He heard Juliet boom, with natural authority in her voice. He could feel the murmurs and the whispers in the background, people questioning their motives, Juliet's integrity, and the trust in him.

'Why are you still doing this?' Sun asked, moving her jet black hair away from her face, the wind blowing in their direction.

'I assure you Sun, it is in the best interests of the camp to continue this.'

'Jack?' He looked to her, both her, her husbands, and the entire camps gaze upon him, the pressure for decisions mounting on him once more. Each one looked to him for a different reason. Reassurance, conformation, comfort. Somehow in his answer he needed to satisfy all their agendas.

As he opened his mouth to reply, something got his attention. Something or someone. He saw a flash of wavy brown hair enter the stash. He blinked a few times to try and rid this feeling of… an odd feeling he couldn't shake.

'When you made me this leader, I promised you I'd keep you safe…'

'That hasn't always worked.' Came a voice from the background. 'Has it Jack?' He turned his gaze to meet Sayid's, still scornful for the loss of Shannon to Ana Lucia.

Another life that was lost. Another life he couldn't save.

Despite the comment hitting home, he composed himself and continued.

'Juliet has extensive knowledge about the going's on of the island. Far more than we can imagine. So we are just going to have to rely on her judgement for the time….'

He trailed off as he saw her leave the tent.

He wasn't hallucinating. Kate. Heading out.

Sawyer seemed to catch Jack's eye line and instinctively know what he was watching, as he spun and scampered across the beach, only to be pulled away by Desmond, who, for some reason Jack could not work out from his position in the crowd, wanted his help.

He snapped his concentration back to the conversation at hand and felt Juliet's glare on the back of his head. He sighed, and stepped down from the piece of rubble he had taken his position on.

'We've survived this far. We're getting ever closer to getting off this island. So believe me when I say; Trust Juliet, she's here to help. I'm asking you, as your leader. As your friend. If you have faith in me. Have faith in Juliet.'

The crowd once again murmured and fell their separate ways. Claire shared an uncomfortable exchange of looks with him, and as Charlie came to meet her with Aaron, he didn't even look Jack in the eye, and ushered her out of the way. Jack found himself heading toward the jungle. But not before another castaway tugged on his shirt.

'Where you going Doc?'

He recognised that southern accent anywhere.

'Does that concern you Sawyer?'

'Yeah it does.' Sawyer replied stubbornly, circling him to block the path directly toward the jungle.

'Someone going after public enemy number one?' He asked. 'Or is someone realising their part of the duo that creates the real problem, and trying to wiggle their way out of it, by playing the hero?'

Sawyer had him. The amount of times Sawyer was way off the mark, and the one time he really shouldn't, he hit the nail on the head.

'I think you want to get out of my way.' Jack replied, trying the best to keep any hint of venom out of his voice.

'Now that ain't playin' nice.' Sawyer teased, but Jack wasn't having any of it.

'Cut the crap Sawyer, I saw you try to leave earlier.'

Sawyer chuckled.

'Wow, you've realised the world _doesn't _revolve around Dr Barbie. Gotta hand it to you, you got some smarts there.' He patted him patronisingly on the back. Jack could feel the anger rising in him, and knew Sawyer could feel it too.

He knew Sawyer was trying to save face from the basic fact that Kate 'dumped' him. As much as Jack tried not to, he took great pride in the fact that Sawyer's ego largely deflated that day. The world seemed that bit less bleak.

'Judging by the fact she took the 9mm with 4 bullets, I'm thinkin' this ain't for hunting.' Sawyer rattled off, taking a seat against the tent by the jungle, daring Jack to go in.

'Don't you even care?' Jack found his voice raising, anger at such blase attitude towards the most facinating woman he had ever met. 'You loved her… love her and you don't even care?!'

Sawyer shook his head and adjusted on the floor.

'Well you know me, I'm just not the caring sorta guy.'

He winked cockily to him, but Sawyer's eyes betrayed his words. The words feigned indifference, but the eyes… the eyes of the conman screamed at him to find her, get her back safe.

And god damnit that's what he was going to do.

Because this was all his fault.


	5. Five

**Note: Hey i'm so sorry this is ridiculously late, but i've had exams, then sorting out college for next year and then starting a new job and i wrote this a while back but i haven't had enough time, so many many apologies! And sorry if it seems a little repetitive but i promise answers will be given in the next chapters :) Thanks for all your amazing comments, i feel so blessed :)**

Kate opened her eyes to a blur of white. She found it impossible to focus and just turned and tried to close her eyes again. What… wasn't she in the jungle? Did she go but decide not to? She sighed and let her eyelids close on her.

'Kate…' A voice called out to her. Female. A voice she didn't trust.

'Kate, now is not an appropriate time to sleep.'

She turned back and looked up, she could make out a mass of blonde and it only confirmed it for her.

She was in Jack and Juliet's tent.

'How is your sight?'

How did she know that was bothering her? 'Blurry… and my head hurts.'

'That's what happens when you go out in the jungle on your own and hit your head.'

Kate made a small attempt to sit up and lean against the side of the tent. She wiped her hands across her face and yawed.

'How did i?... How long have I been out?'

'About a day or so…. You probably have concussion; it will explain the headaches and the blurry vision.' It cleared a little as she looked down at Juliet, fiddling with a suitcase… Why did Juliet have a suitcase? She wasn't on the plane.

'You'll probably get a hint of nausea and confusion also.'

Confusion? What the hell was she talking about? She'd fallen off enough trees in her time, hit her head on a few stairs…. Confusion was _not_ a symptom of concussion from something like this.

She nodded, despite the awareness of the fact Juliet was lying through her teeth. She looked around for a sign of… she didn't even know what she was looking for; and this wasn't Juliet's damned 'confusion' setting in. She crawled across the tent to the entrance and tried to get up from the floor.

'Kate… it's best if you stay…'

'I'm not staying here.' She replied adamantly, despite the fact she probably won't make it to the other side of the beach to her tent. As rose to her feet, promptly swaying, she felt arms catch her; and they were far too muscled to be female.

Far too familiar…

'I'll take her back.' She heard Jack's speak from behind her, his breath tingling in her ear. She opened her mouth to protest, but felt she could provide no argument, and neither could Juliet.

'What's the last thing you remember Kate?'

'I've already had a check-up thank you Jack' She couldn't help but glare a little at the blonde woman in front of her, and try to get up herself. This time she managed to make it to the door, before collapsing back onto Jack awkwardly, yet almost as if it came naturally as he picked her up 'bridal style' as a friend of her's used to call it. Tom.

She didn't like the reawakening of these memories, the pouch of secrets sewn in her mind that were bursting at the seams. It was like Jack had a talent to pick apart the stitches and let it all out. She placed her head against his chest, unintentionally listening to his heart. She couldn't remember the last time they had been this close. Had they _ever_ been this close?

'I remember… walking into the jungle.' She found herself reply to the question she had already dismissed. 'With a umm… a gun, but I can't remember why.' She groaned a little and buried her head further into his chest, not missing the way he seemed to be restrained more and more as the journey to her tent drew further on.

'Hurley thinks you might have heard something in the jungle. You were the only one not at the meeting, so….' He seemed to leave the ending open, trying to anticipate her answer. He clearly knew she didn't have one.

'Okay.'

'KATE!' She heard the delighted voice of Hurley, and she looked out to see him bounding toward her, Vincent giving him a run for his money.

'I heard about the fall…' He stopped briefly, taking a deep breath, and reaching for some water in his bag. 'You okay dude?'

'I'm fine.' She smiled, making it as genuine as possible. Hurley obviously had come to know her well, sharing a look that she labelled, _spit it out already._

'Really, Hurley. I'm fine.'

He seemed to accept this, though she could tell she would get a grilling later, at dinner.

'Usual time and place?' He chuckled, taking a drink of his water. She nodded in reply, and he moved in to them

'Y'know I could take her…'

She could feel Jack shaking his head above her, his stubble catching the side of her face, tickling irritatingly yet she didn't mind.

'No I need to get her back, check her for concussion, fever…'

Kate was about to interrupt, suspicion aroused when Jack quite clearly knew Juliet had done that already.

'Whatever dude.' Hurley replied, seemingly unimpressed over the attention Jack was suddenly giving her. He picked up his bag and headed over to Charlie and Claire. She caught Sawyer's gaze as he drifted past, but the look slowly disappeared, and so did he, to his tent. She couldn't help but look back at Hurley.

He had a very good point.

Why was he giving her attention? He hadn't spoken to her in…. weeks? She couldn't remember, just his voice, his manner, even his laugh that was seldom heard, slowly fading from her memory; just another face in the little pouch of memories.

As they reached the tent, Jack let her carefully fall from his grip, but kept a tight hold on her waist as he guided her into the tent. She held tightly to his shirt as she slowly rested herself on the floor, Jack moving over across the tent to get her airline pillow, then placing his hand underneath her head, grazing her cheek delicately, and lifting her slightly to put the sandy pillow under her head.

'Keep your head elevated.' He told her, and immediately a frown appeared on her face.

'What?' He asked, seemingly cautious.

'Deja-vu.' Kate laughed unsettled, that felt very familiar.

As she adjusted to a comfortable position, she couldn't help but note Jack's demeanour. Quiet and almost haunted, his back arched and a permanent frown attached to his face. His hands, fumbling incessantly as if he was trying to clean something off, the sweat beads trickling down his features; she blamed this on the heat, and the task of carrying her across the beach.

'I know you didn't let me go because you wanted to check my condition.' He didn't look up to her, gazed fixated on the ground, he continuously shifted around, finding an itch above his eyebrow, the back of his head… classic signs of a liar.

Or a guilty conscience.

'So what are you hiding Jack? Or what is Juliet hiding?' She yawned, but had no intention of letting sleep claim her. They were alone. They needed to talk, and he wasn't getting out of it for some ridiculous fall in the jungle.

'There's nothing…' He stopped, swallowing, running his hand through his hair. 'You can't just…'

She continued to keep her gaze on him, waiting for complete answer.

'I need some water.'

No. He wasn't getting out of this.

'Jack!' She warned, but as he got up and made for the exit, she found herself getting up too, despite the visible warning signs her body was giving her.

'I'm not letting you walk out on this! You don't get to walk out of this Jack.'

He turned back, his glare matching her's.

'There's nothing you need to know.'

'You're lying. AGAIN. Why are you lying?' She knew she wasn't one to talk, but Jack… he wasn't the type, unless there was a strong reason behind it.

'Because I have to Kate.'

She frowned harder, both at the question, and the tunnel vision she was fighting against. The shell of Jack Shephard standing in front of her still needed confronting.

'Why are you protecting her?' He looked away again, the darkened gaze meeting pale sand, as if the grains provided his answers.

'Because… I brought her here. I trust her, and I'll look after her.'

'That's not what I'm asking Jack.'

'I'm not protecting her.' He paused, obviously catching her with her head in her hands. 'I'm protecting…' He stopped, looking behind him.

The last thing she saw as the world slowly darkened was the silhouette of Juliet standing behind him. Something didn't fit.

----------

'Does she remember?' Juliet asked him, from behind, catching him unawares. He seemed to turn back just in time to see Kate hit the ground.

'Kate!' He launched forward and placed his head against her clammy forehead.

'The side effects aren't good.' Juliet admitted, still shadowing him in the background.

His hand traced her jawline unintentionally, he told himself, as he checked her glands.

'Her glands are fine, but her temperature's almost feverous.'

'And she'll stay that way.'

Jack jumped up and stood straight in front of Juliet. She wasn't getting away with this. He kept his side of the bargain. His sacrifice; now she has to do the same.

'Give it to me now.'

Juliet bit her lip and stared, only antagonising him further.

'I said GIVE IT TO ME!'

She shook her head and almost left, but Jack sharp reactions caused him to grab her by the shoulders and spin her around.

'She doesn't remember anything. No pills, no trek into the jungle with the gun, nothing.'

He span off desperately, trying to pry what he needed from her.

'What did you tell her?'

Jack hesitated, what he had said out there was a step too far into his business for Juliet. He and Kate were separate. Kate was separate…

'Did you tell her about everyone…'

'No.' He cut in firmly, his grip tighter on her shoulders, wandering what had possessed this woman to be so manipulative. The mask well and truly washed away to him when he told her that there was no future for them. But still the mask was dead perfect when addressing the rest of the group.

'I don't have much left Jack.'

'And what happens when it's gone?'

Juliet looked over his shoulder, to what he could only assume was at the sleeping form of Kate.

'Then she dies.'


End file.
